I love you, you do not
by skodde
Summary: Lukas reminisces about the relationships Chris thought would last, and one he had probably forgotten about. One-shot. Trigger warnings: Alcohol abuse, drastic detoxification and implied sex.
Chris was heavy, just so fucking heavy. Having to drag the man's weight when he gave almost no help was exhausting. He would honestly have left the fool in a ditch somewhere if it was not for the fact that it was freezing outside. They were luckily though almost at the house now.

Lukas knew that going to the bar had been a bad idea. It almost always was. However, letting Chris go alone was out of the question, so he had come as usual.  
Chris would always drink too much, start fights and then become depressed when he went to bars, they were banned from like 3-4 of them now.  
And as usual it was Lukas who had to drag Chris's drunken ass home.  
You would think that dragging your drunken friend home as many times as Lukas had would make the task less demanding after a few times, but no. It was almost as if it had became more demanding.

As he came closer and closer to the front door did Lukas try to search his pockets for Chris's key, while not drooping him. After having Chris almost fall down around 6 – 7 times did he finally find the idiotic key to the house.

The door came open with a screech, which made Lukas wish Chris could remember to oil the damn door once in a while. It would be nice to be able to open the door without it sounding like he walked in on someone screaming.

Lukas hauled Chris onto the couch, he looked at the man to see if he was still breathing, which he luckily still did, and then he made his way to the kitchen.  
The kitchen was as usual quite clean so it was easy to find the usual stuff for these occasions when Chris had drank too much. A Glass of water, some crackers to snack on and some headache medicine. He knew that he could make Chris drink eat and take as many tablet as recommended, but the man would still wake up with a hangover. But Lukas still liked to think that it at least helped somewhat.

As Lukas walked out of the kitchen with the tings in hand could he see that Chris was stirring, which was a relief.  
As he sat beside Chris and put the things down on the table did he frown as he saw the empty beer cans, knowing now that Chris had been drinking before he came to the bar. However Lukas would let it slide for now, and rather talk about it with Chris tomorrow.

Chris was not awake yet, mumbling incoherent words and moving about in the couch as if he had to get away from something. A nightmare then, Lukas thought.

Lukas shifted his gaze from Chris to his living room. It was as usual messy with cans, chocolate wrappers and dirty dishes. However, Lukas did not expect to see all the photos scattered around. Some were torn, some crumbled and others burned.  
The photos were all of Chris's previous girlfriends, from his first serious relationship when he was 18 and up to the one that had broken off just yesterday.  
Lukas understood in some way that it was hard for Chris, he was 26 now and all he wanted was a girlfriend that would stay with him. Many of his friends had already found partner that they had stayed with for years.

However, Chris did not view everyone he dated as a possible match. Sometimes he knew and said that the relationship was only temporary, a fling, so he kept it light and simple. But those he did think of as a potential lasting girlfriend, those he loved faithful and wholly. He often loved them to such an extent that they felt he became needy and clingy.  
Out of all the people Chris had dated since he was 16, was there four girls that had really done a number on his heart.

First, there was sweet Sofia, Sofia Braginsky. She was kind, hardworking and she loved her family dearly. They dated for about four months when Chris was 18, and she was 19, him being in college, she working in a convenient store.  
He liked to take her out into the city, show her the lights, the music, the people. And she in turn liked to take him to the Braginsky farm, hiking in the forest, showing him how to milk a cow and just how peaceful it was there. They were different in many aspects, but they seemed to fit together nonetheless.  
She was the one to break up with him, her family not liking Chris, especially her brother.  
Chris in his sorrow almost failed to get through his first year of college.

Around the time Chris was 20 he meet Sofia again. She had left the family and the farm, and now went by the name Chernenko. They had stayed in touch for a few days, but she made it clear that she had put the past behind her.

The second was Bella, Bella Aling. In many ways, they were alike. They liked to drink, they loved the city, and the parties there was the place to be, and they both could not stop having sex, Lukas had walked in on them too many times.  
And if all that were not just perfect for Chris, it was also the fact that Chris became best friends with Bella's brother, Abel.  
For a full year were they together, and Bella and Chris was so happy. That is why it was so horrible that it ended like it did. Lukas would remember that day always.  
It was Chris's 21 birthday and they had all gone out drinking, Bella and Chris as usual drank a lot. However, someone had slipped something in their drinks.  
Bella and Chris were rushed to the hospital and their stomach's were pumped to clear out the alcohol. It was one of longest night's for Lukas and Abel.  
After that did Bella change, Chris did too, but Bella changed more. She left him a week after they were both dismissed from the hospital. Chris after that promised to quit drinking.

Lukas had been informed by Abel, after some time had gone by, that Bella now travels the world in search of herself.

Then it was Elizabeta. She was fierce and let no one step over her. Chris became attracted to how in control of herself she was how she was determined and so sure of herself. She was his pillar in a difficult time when he was trying to quit drinking.  
Together they found a man that used music as a form of therapy, and in the end it helped Chris becoming sober.  
But Chris was not to become Elizabeta's husband. He would never take the name Héderváry.  
She fell in love with Chris's therapist, Roderich Edelstein. He could see it in the way she smiled at him and in the way she laughed. Chris knew before she did that their relationship was over, so when she told him, he did not take it too hard.

Sadly a few months later when Chris read the newspaper that told of the happy couple that had been married, Elizabeta and Roderich Edelstein. Did Chris take his first drink again.

And then, it was the last one, Lin Chen.  
They had meet two years ago, through Emil's Boyfriend. Lukas knew that his brother Emil had a hard time sharing his life unless it was online, but when his brother's boyfriend suddenly had a sister, he was shocked. Though Chris was happy.  
Chris and Lin became good friends, and that's how they stayed in the start. Lin got a boyfriend, and Chris dated others. They talked about their life's to each other and hung out occasionally, joked and were generally good friends. It was not before after they both became single again that they started to flirt. It started as a joke, but in the end grew into something serious. For a year they were together, happy, laughing, smiling, but then to Chris's big despair did he find out that she had only seen their relationship as something casual. They, though having fitted together so nicely, had never been on the same page as of where their relationship would end.  
Chris had been the one to break it off when he found out, and she had left with a sorry smile and said.

"This was fun Chris, I'm sorry that I cannot see you as my 'happy ever after', I hope you find someone" And that was it.

Chris had called Lukas that night and told him to meet him at the bar. It was the agreement they had after Chris started to drink again that he would always call Lukas, since no one wanted him to drink alone.

Lukas again started at the empty beer cans that were littered everywhere. Some new, some old. He knew that even though they had an agreement, did Chris sometimes drink alone, but only in his own home. He drank to forget, and to remember, he drank as a punishment and as a reward. And sometimes he just drank.

Lukas felt bad for Chris, he stroked his hand through Chris's hair and just wished that he could make it better. But he knew he could not.

Lukas saw that Chris was near waking up. His eyes had almost opened a few times and he had started to stir more.

"You awake?" Lukas asked the man on the sofa as he removed his hand from Chris's hair. He only got a groan as answer.

"There is Water, something to eat and headache medicine on the table, remember to take it before you go up to sleep." Lukas said, this time getting a nod as answer. It was good, it meant that Chris was awake.

Lukas started to stand up and head for the door. Knowing that there was nothing more he could do for his friend.

"What's wrong with me Lukas? Why can't I make them stay?" Chris asked from the couch with a hoarse voice.

Lukas looked towards Chris. He had stood up in the couch without Lukas hearing it. Lukas saw Chris in the eyes and saw how hurt he was, the sorrow in them.

There were many things he wanted to say, but for Chris's drunken mind to remember it he had to try to keep it simple and short.

"Maybe you let the person who is fitting for you go, you thought of this person as only a fling, something that would not last. Maybe you should look back to get forward to where you want to be." Lukas said. He wanted to slap himself, it had not been short or easy to understand, but it was the words that had come to him. Then Lukas went out the screaming door, leaving Chris to think about what he had said.

In the crisp winter night did Lukas remember one last relationship that Chris had been in.

They were both 16, and had been friends since they could remember.  
Chris had called it experimenting, and Lukas had agreed. They were together for a month, but Lukas was happy with just that. The gentle hands, the tender kisses, sharing heat and looking into each other's eyes. They had become closer, but nothing had changed.  
Lukas's favourite moment of them all was when they had gone to the funfair together. It had been like one of the dates you see in movies, Chris winning a stuffed moose for Lukas, them sharing cotton candy, and kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel.  
In the end had Chris told him that he was probably straight and thanked Lukas for doing this with him, letting him discover himself. They still remained friends, there was never anything weird between them after that, maybe because Chris did not know. Because even tough Chris felt that it was experimenting, Lukas had felt that it was love, at least in his side. But he would keep that to himself. He would rather be friends with Chris, so that he could share friendly moments together and one day see him become happy with someone else.  
It was not like he wanted Chris to realise that what they had could lead to what he had always wanted. To what they had always wanted.

* * *

 _I had no idea of where this one was going at first, but I'm very glad that it became like it did. I truly appreciate that you read this and I hoped that you liked it._

 _Betaed by BlessYou_

 _Word count: 2071.  
Stress level: 2 of 10.  
Happiness: 9 of 10._


End file.
